


The Moment

by Innocenceconfused



Category: The Miseducation of Cameron Post - Emily M. Danforth
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26006836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Innocenceconfused/pseuds/Innocenceconfused
Summary: Cameron Post is back in Miles City/Shitty for Christmas break. She attends Christmas Eve Mass and although, she knows better she can't help but to hope for a moment alone with Coley Taylor. A moment to say all things left unsaid. Does she get it, the moment? In this fic, yes! What do they use this time together to say...or do?
Relationships: Cameron Post & Ruth, Cameron Post/Coley Taylor
Kudos: 9





	The Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic ever! Be gentle with me :)
> 
> I just finished rereading this wonderful novel and both the book and the movie adaptation leave so much to be missed. Knowing what Cameron would've said to Coley, if given the chance, is one gap I *needed* filled. I hope I've done their characters and Emily Danforth's wonderful body of work some justice. I hope I bring whoever reads this a little more closure because this book is simply...devastating in the best way. (I also hope we one day get a proper mini series TV adaption/ new film to showcase more of Cameron's life, or that Emily Danforth writes a sequel of their adult years. Fingers crossed!)
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> P.S. This was written in a nocturnal frenzy so sorry for any grammar mistakes!

I couldn’t bear to stand under the scrutiny of everyone’s eyes as they exited the church so, I excused myself to go freshen up in the Gates ofPraise basement bathroom before Ray & Ruth’s wedding ceremony officially began.

I went downstairs into the dimly lit basement. The only light was coming from underneath closed bathroom door and the sole window. It sort of reminded me of sitting right underneath the projection booth with Coley during our movie night rituals. I sighed and went into the bathroom to run my face under cold water; remind myself that everything was real. When I was done I gave myself a once-over in the mirror. It’d been so long since I’d _really looked_ at myself. I avoided looking into the bathroom mirror at Promise because that whole environment was blanketed with a layer of thick, unrelenting shame. But now looking, I could see just how tired I’d become. My eye bags had bags and my face was just...numb. I sighed again and turned to exit the bathroom, figuring upstairs should’ve cleared up by now.

When I opened the door, there standing no more than three feet in front of me was _Coley fucking Taylor_ meekly grabbing each of her elbows with her hands crossed over her chest.

We just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I was staring in pure disbelief. I imagine she felt some of the same. How could she not? I was searching her eyes desperately, for what? I still don’t know. This seemingly eternal moment was interrupted by us both trying to speak at once. “Coley, I was-“ I said as she said “Hey, Cam, you-“ We both let out breathy nervous chuckles and looked away.

“Go on,” she said. Giving the moment to me. The stage was mine.

I moved my eyes from the ground and found her honey-brown orbs again. “ I forgive you.” I said. Those were the three little words I decided on during the ride to Billings in the Promise van. I thought they would free me somehow by shifting the blame, the responsibility of how things went down onto to Coley. Putting The ball in her court. The truth is I really didn’t feel like I did anything wrong. I knew I hadn’t, at least most days. Some days the half-baked Promise rhetoric got to me more than I’d like to admit. And even though deep down I knew wasn’t wrong, I knew Coley wasn’t either. What she did was fucked up sure, there’s no denying that. But she was scared and devoutly Christian in fucking Miles Shitty, Montana. We both were (scared I mean, the evangelical part was all her’s to claim) although, our ways of coping were decidedly different.

Coley let out this garbled half sob half sigh as her shoulders deflated and tears started to gather in her eyes. She was looking past me at the stained glass nativity scene set into the one basement window caked with dirt from the outside. “God, I’m just- Cam, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what do...Ty kept asking what was wrong and I felt like my head was gonna explode. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she let out in a rush. Tears fully streaming down her eyes now. Her face was lit up in hues of blue and red and regular sunlight yellow from the light streaming through the window. She was tragically beautiful. And it all really was such a tragedy: the weight of everything that laid between us.

I imagine my face was a mask of disappointment and that still deep-burning desire I felt somehow. I reached out for Coley’s hand. She flinched ever-so-slightly and then squeezed my hand lightly. I squeezed back. “It’s okay, Coley. It really is. I’m ok; I’ll be ok...And so will you.”It wasn’t entirely ok, neither was I. And I wasn’t entirely sure that either of us would ever be okay again in that moment.

And then Coley did the unexpected again, being the woman of perpetual surprises that she was. She pulled me closer by our joined hands and kissed me just like the last time. Forceful, fiery, desperate for something. Only this time rather than it feeling like she was trying to rid herself of her desire it felt like she was trying to win me, win _us_ back. My body winced but at the same time my mouth opened on instinct granting her tongue entrance.And we melted into each other like a familiar dance; I was drowning in her scent. I moaned; she let out a little whimper and we stayed like that: mouths meeting sloppily, hands wandering frantically for maybe two, three minutes. Until I pulled away. My heartbeat was bouncing around my in my chest and skull. I’d gotten my reunion and then some. And yet, I couldn’t get out of that basement fast enough. “I-,” I cleared my throat, “I gotta go upstairs. Ruth and Ray. Wedding.” Blunt but the only words I trusted my mouth to form right then.

Coley didn’t respond straight away and she still hadn’t stopped her silent stream of tears. If I looked at her any longer I’d want to stay and fix things. So I started past her, heading for the stairs.

“I’ve been in love with you since forever, too, Cam!” she called after me.

I turned and gave her a sad half-smile. The wounds were fresh all over again. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and practically whispered, “Goodbye, Coley Taylor.” Using her full name, secretly hoping she remembered how she’d signed that terribly robotic letter. It was the teeny tiniest low-blow. I couldn’t help myself.

If she did recall, it didn’t show on her face. “Goodbye, Cam. I’m sorry.”

And that was that. I turned around and started walking up the steps, giving my eyes a swipe with the sleeves of my Promise uniform sweater to get rid of my own tears which had started falling at some point. I pasted on the best glib, yet civilized, smile Ruth was going to get from me and walked up back to the ground floor of GOP to prepare for her nuptials.

I guess Coley both entered and exited the basement through the side entrance because I didn’t see her come back up. Come to think of it now, there’s no way Mrs. Taylor or Ty or Brett or Ruth or pretty much anyone in Miles Shitty would’ve let either her or me go down there unsupervised if they thought we were going to be anywhere near each other. So I guess we pulled off one last made-for-movies type rendez-vous. It was the kind of moment that I know we both had no choice but to recognize as significant as it was happening. And I found that so deeply satisfying. Also, she loved me.


End file.
